So, I’m still living in the woods in Mendocino.
It’s beautiful. It’s peaceful….. It’s boring as fuck.
I’ve been here for almost four months and I have managed to keep myself occupied during the day, as there are lots of hikes to take and beaches to visit and whales to watch and other things that require daylight. But then nighttime comes and I am borrrred. I decided to ‘When In Rome’ it and head to the town bar every night like everyone else in this town. Boy, did that super duper not work out for me.
So I’ve decided to quit booze altogether for a while. I’ve been sober about a week and I’m realizing without any alcohol or bar time, the evenings are painfully dull. What do I do with myself? The gym takes up a couple hours of post-work time, but basically I hang out alone in my cabin every night because there’s no where else to go. But what to do in my cabin? For the last three months it was “drink in the cabin, of course,” but now that I’m not doing that, I can’t think of what to do.
Actually that’s a lie. I can think of lots of things to do, like, make art! Bake a cake! Do a puzzle! But guess what, I don’t want to do any of those things. Last night it dawned on me finally why I don’t do those things and chose to binge-watch netflix instead.
Boredom is a direct result of perfectionism. There’s this huge hump I have to get over to even pull out my markers and it’s a very loud voice that says, you’re going to do a bad job so why even try. I listen to that voice, chose to do nothing, and suffer boredom. Yeah, no. I am *done* with that pattern. It took some sobriety to recognize that, and I am grateful for it.
Also, long term Mendo living doesn’t seem quite right for me. While it is beautiful and serving me in lots of ways right now, I don’t think I could survive up here longer than a year. And that’s ok too 🙂 Until I leave, I’ll be practicing some new behaviors like working through this perfectionism.