I’ve got 30 days sober today.
Just after New Years I decided that alcohol wasn’t bringing me anything good anymore. It only allowed me to forget the fun times I was having, and I was often sacrificing an entire day to a hangover–time I just don’t have to spare anymore. I decided that I wanted to remember the parties I went to and let loose at. I wanted to wake up the morning after a party clear-headed, with the bright day ahead of me– feeling full of opportunity and ability rather than feeling shrouded in hangover-headaches and bad food. I want to go for a hike in Marin, or write a paper on a Sunday. Not lay in bed watching movies because I feel like shit and need to distract myself from my headache. That used to feel fun and indulgent. But these days, for me, that sacrifice isn’t worth it anymore.
I was worried that not drinking might detract from my social times, but it has only made them better. I feel in control of my experiences in a way that I find comforting and deeply rewarding. Now when I say something hilarious, *I* said it – not the booze. Now when I get down on the dance floor like a badass, it’s because *I* had that confidence – the booze didn’t do it for me. Now when I sing my heart out at Karaoke, that was all me! I don’t have to give the credit to the beers- I know I can do it as my pure, authentic self. I never thought this would happen, but not drinking has done a lot for my sense of self-confidence.
A lot of people have asked me over these 30 days, Why don’t you just drink less, Christina? The answer is simple: I’m a total glutton and I can’t ever do anything in moderation. I’m an all or nothing kind of person because moderating something I like is painful, but abstaining completely has its own kind of high. I don’t know how long I’ll take this break from booze, but I’m enjoying this high of abstinence for the time being.
What I’ve learned about myself from these past 30 days is that I don’t need booze to let loose. I can make jokes and dance like an animal and flirt and be fun even stone cold sober. Most people can party and drink and let loose every once in a while quite healthfully – I, apparently, can’t. I love people, and I love socializing, and I should do it in a way that works for me. So I am.
Truth be told, I don’t really have time to get drunk anymore anyway. Michael and I are working every day of the week and I have a mountain of responsibilities that require my full attention at a drop of a hat. I’m happy to be able to wake up at 9am on Sunday and go to my market and re-stock the fridge. I *enjoy* doing that these days. I must be really getting old 🙂
The reason I’m telling you guys this is that it will effect my 100-beers challenge. SO! I’m going to be testing out non-alcoholic beers! I have had one already and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I’m kind of excited to try more. So stay tuned for that series!