Discouragement be damned

In my attempt to complete my life list entry, Perform something pre-rehearsed for a live audience, I am taking singing classes and at the request of my singing coach,  learning an opera song.

Week after sorry week I have sucked big time. I’ve been studying this beautiful song called Caro Mio Ben, and pretty much butchering it. That opera voice quality was really foreign to me, having sung nothing but pop music since forever. I couldn’t get the tone even close to right. So much so that we never even really worked on the song… just me being able to sound right (ish).

But! Finally! In last week’s class I had a breakthrough. My lovely voice coach taught me this one trick* I needed to make my voice sound opera-y for this song. I implemented this trick, and BAM. I was actually singing the song. Not well mind you, I still had a lot of work to do. But I was actually singing and not butchering. I was having my first moment in weeks of not-sucking. It was a lovely feeling, and I left that class excited to start really working on the song in the weeks to come.

Then this morning. I had a tough morning. The espresso machine broke down at the cafe (panic) and since my car got stolen this weekend (lame) I had to literally run from my house to the cafe (whew.) Then, after solving that crisis, I had to run back towards my house to get to the singing lesson. So I walk in, excited and eager to finally start working on this song after spending so long sucking, and my voice coach says, “Nope! We’re doing a new song!”

I don’t know why, but that just absolutely crushed me. My will, like, broke right there. So many weeks of learning something new and hacking my way through it and wrapping my head around this song and finally making a breakthrough only to have to start all over again at the bottom. I didn’t get two seconds of being able to not suck.

I learned the new song in class and I don’t know if it’s just because my heart wasn’t in it, or because it’s so different than Caro Mio Ben, but I sucked worse than I have ever before. It was so discouraging. We even went over Caro Mio Ben for the last ten minutes of the class and I was back to sucking. Wtf. I don’t really know what happened.

Right now, I just want to throw in the towel and stomp my feet and get angry. But, as is a common theme in this blog, I’m going to stick it out. I’m going to do something I committed to. I want to accomplish this, even though I’m frustrated. Who knows. Maybe once I get over my discouragement, this next song might be easier. It might be prettier. It might be better for me. And it might not. But I’m at least going to try. Discouragement be damned.

* If you make a snorting noise right before you sing a line, it lifts up the back of the roof of your mouth and helps to make the right sound. For me at least.

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2 Responses to Discouragement be damned

  1. Deb says:

    Oh man! I thought I had a challenging day! Jeez! I feel for you.

    • spiralcma says:

      Well, this made it sound bad. It ended up being ok! But judging by what my customers were saying all day long, everyone was having a weird/off day.

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