Roadblocks on the way to the race

Youguys. I’m trying not to be discouraged about this, but I am a little bit.

One of my life list entries is to run a marathon. I tried once before and I had a back issue come up that I had to recover from first.

I did that. And I am trying to run again. So I started running a last month after a LOT of walking and getting ready to run. But the first time I ran, I had this horrible stabbing pain in my heart. It really scared me so I immediately stopped running. That was over a month ago and I haven’t started up again. I’m really scared I’m going to be one of those people that die at the end of a marathon. I mean. I don’t want it THAT bad, you know? But at the same time: I’m 27! Relatively in shape! I want to run, dammit! Why can’t I get this sh*t done!?

I’m frustrated mostly because I’ve had a lot of blood issues since I was taking a certain kind of birth control, and I have a feeling this heart pain might be part of that. I know this might be TMI but people need to know this stuff: Beware of  YAZ  and YAZMIN birth control pills. They may seriously f*ck you up. When I was on yaz for all of four months, I had severe leg pains, my arms and legs were falling asleep constantly, heart flutters, I had weird blackouts and dizzy spells… and after a week of being off it,  it all went away. Except, now I have this weird pain in my heart when I run. That’s never happened to me before. I don’t have health insurance either. Well, I do. It’s Healthy SF but I’ve been waiting for a doctor’s appointment for more than six months now. I’m kinda scared about running, but I really want to.

What I want to tell myself is that I’m just not cut out for a 5k. But what I should tell myself is that maybe I need to pay out-of-pocket a few hundred dollars to see a doctor now.

But this is the honest truth. I want to achieve this goal. And I’m hitting roadblocks. But I don’t want to give up. Maybe this goal is bigger than just running a 5k. Maybe this goal will help me get my health in order. Or teach me that even when roadblock after roadblock gets in your way, it doesn’t mean you’re supposed to give up. I don’t know yet. I’m working my way through the discouragement and trying to persevere.

I can do this, dammit!

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